Favouritism

Its a tricky subject. I think favouritism is the wrong word though. If someone were to watch our family for a week they might say that I favour Paige and Annabelle, and Don favours Kaisey, but they couldn't be more wrong.

Kaisey is very much a daddy's girl, she adores her daddy more than anyone else on the planet except perhaps her twin sister. When her father went back to mainstream work after being at home for almost a year she cried for 2 weeks, I kid you not. The other thing Kaisey needs as much as her father is her space. She will sit quietly in a corner and play on her own for ages. I tend to leave her to it, and she prefers it that way.

Annabelle on the other hand, is a mummy's girl. She spends most of her time following me around, sitting at my feet, or on my knee. She often brings me a book to read or a pair of shoes she wants me to put on her. If she's not following me around she is often copying what I am doing. She requires a lot more attention than Kaisey, but she too will spend a decent amount of time playing on her own.

Paige is a different matter altogether. She has a lot of trouble entertaining herself. When she isn't being entertained by me or Don she wants to either watch tv or play on the computer. She had me completely to herself for three years before Don came on the scene and she was used to that. Hard act to join, we were a tight little clique. Don, however, has worked very hard at spending special time with her and they now have a strong relationship, but even now, Paige's habit is to say "Mum" rather than "Don". If we want some time off her we usually have to order her to entertain herself. And we also often need to remind her to leave the twins alone when they don't want to play. She is 7 which seems to mean (in this house) pre-teen, her attitude and sulky-ness would rival your average 13  year old, and she requires a lot of energy to get her to complete tasks we set her.

Is this favouritism? I don't think so, I think it is knowing our children are different and that they have different needs. I think it is giving our children the different things they need, space, time, attention, direction. What people might view from the outside as favouritism may very well be simply the unique dynamic within our family. Some children need space to sort themselves out, while others might need a cuddle. I feel its an important part of parenting to be sensitive to that and respond in the way your children need, rather than the way all the "experts" tell us too. The "experts" have never met my kids, they don't know them.

So sure, you can say I favour my kids. You can say what you like. What I know is, my children are generally happy, and cared for. And I treat them in the individual ways that they need.... usually.

xx The Ramblings of Another Mother.