Middle of the night darkness.

My day is starting at 5:30, thanks to my twins who decided they were both done with sleeping. Very unusual for them they almost always sleep in till seven at the earliest. Sometimes I'm still convincing them to get up at 7:30. (Yes I have odd toddlers).

I dont mind though, In fact I'm rather grateful, as I was already awake.

And thinking dark thoughts.

"You are useless, why cant you just do the housework as you go so you dont end up living in a pigsty?"

"Why can't you just keep on top of things."

"You're a lazy cow." (one of my favourite self-depreciating remarks)

"You aren't good enough. You have to work harder."

"Why can't you just give up the smoking? Do you want to be around for your kids or not?" And then the anxiety attacks start and I can barely keep them away. Beyond the darkness. Please stop thoughts, please stop brain! Just stop...

So yes, I am grateful to my girls for giving me a good excuse to get away from those thoughts. Breaking up fights and dealing with toddlers is a great distraction.

Its easier to shut it all up in the day.

xx The Ramblings of Another Mother