Paige (as I am sure is the case with most children) has never been very adept at keeping her bedroom tidy. At times I just shut the door, and at other times I tell her to tidy it up. This usually results in her putting a few things away, then discovering something that she hasn't seen in awhile and playing with it.
About 18 months ago we became fed up, and we put her into her bedroom "till it was tidy" then if it became tidy by things being shoved under the bed etc. we would pull these things out into the middle of the floor, and tell her to try again. Often she was late to join us at the table for dinner because she wasn't coming out till it was done, and on one occasion, she threw a massive tantrum, and refused to tidy her room, she was finally allowed out to have two pieces of bread and a glass of water, then sent to bed, the next day being Saturday, she was not allowed out for breakfast until it was done.
Perhaps that seems cruel, and it did at the time, I felt like crying to do it, but the result was that she tidied her bedroom and then from there on if she was told to tidy her room she went and did it. So it seemed justified. And one dinner of two pieces of bread in a lifetime of nutritious and yummy meals is probably not going to have any lasting effects, right?
So for a good while this worked very well, then the standards began to slip again. And I was also frustrated that she rarely put anything in the correct places, so I would go into her room every few weeks, and remove the dirty underwear and socks from the toy boxes, put the clothes back in the correct doors, right the books and locate the missing ones so they sat nicely on the shelf, and often clean up the knee-deep mess that was on the floor too. This at times took me close to an hour. Frustrating.
Then I finally decided that if I got rid of some of her things, that would help. So one weekend when Paige was at her dads after the twins went down I went into her room piled EVERYTHING she owned onto the floor in the middle and went through it. I sorted out the barbies and the barbie accessories and made two "sets" one of which went into the top of her wardrobe, the other in a toy box to be swapped occasionally. I got rid of everything that was damaged or broken, threw away countless macdonalds happy meal style toys (most of which were also broken) got rid of a few colouring books that had scribbles on every page that had obviously not been used in a good long time. Went through her pens and pencils and chucked the ones that didn't work. ETC ETC ETC...
Then came her clothes. This kid had more clothes than I did!! It was SHOCKING how much she had, she had 15 dresses and skirts, and over 35 pairs of undies!!! I culled it down. There was quite a bit that I got rid of that was too small. And one dress that gave me the guilts to get rid of, as it was a favourite, however it was borderline too small, and very much a summer dress, and I know it wont fit her next summer. So it went. At some point next year we will go out and find her a new "favourite" summer dress :-)
Then came the twins birthday. One of the friends that came shared a story with me of how she had managed to make her child keep her bedroom spotless. I tried it. And it worked. So I thought I would share.
It goes like this: You get a box (you probably will need a fairly big one) and at bedtime on day one and every day after, go in, and remove everything off the floor and put it in the box, I also went through her drawers and toy boxes and removed anything that was in the wrong place. The box is placed somewhere they cannot get it and they do not get anything in it back until next Sunday. (or whichever day you choose to use) Now it doesn't matter if its her school uniform going in the box, or if its her homework book, or if its their favourite toy (though I would never take the one she sleeps with away, thankfully it didn't come to that.) It goes in the box, and stays there till Sunday, did they need their homework book for school? Perhaps, they will have to deal with the consequences of that.
On day one of doing this with Paige I gave her a warning, and told her that she had until bedtime to sort things out. At bedtime the box was overflowing with the things she had not put away, she also lost several items of clothing and her blankets from her bed as she had not made it. (I did have to give her one back so that she didn't freeze to death that night, however none of the others were returned to her until Sunday). On day two I removed several more items and thought well she doesn't seem to care at all, she even helped me put some things in the dern box!!! It was a little disheartening. But I do have a policy that you must try anything new for at least 2 weeks, to know weather or not its really going to work.
Over week one she lost more and more things, and on Sunday at lunch I put the box in her room and told her she had until bedtime to get everything put away. She didn't really bother, and at bedtime I removed the box and added several things off the floor and one of her uniforms to it. That week she lost a few things but not as much as week one. And on Sunday I placed the box into her room at lunch and by bedtime everything was put away. Correctly, and neatly. Success!!
This week nothing has gone in the box, on Monday I told her if she gets to Sunday (tomorrow) without anything going into the box she would get a medal (one of those two dollar shop ones, come in a set of 6) She has made it, because she went to her fathers yesterday and the box is empty, I better get to the two dollar shop later.
Now at times over these three weeks I have been lenient. One day when she had a friend over and they made a god awful mess I got there at bedtime and could see she had been working very hard at getting it done, but had run out of time. I didn't bring the box in that night and she was very grateful. And the next night it was done.
One of the tricks shared by my friend is not to talk about it. Let the box speak for you, once you have explained how it works. They can't argue with a box. Give them a warning sometime before bedtime if you want to, but no more than that. You honestly don't need to.
Another thing I have noticed cascading from the "box" method is slight improvements in self discipline in other parts of Paiges life. Like mornings before school, which used to be almost a constant argument from wake up to out the door. She has had a "morning routine" for awhile (a list of the tasks she needs to complete in order to be ready on time for school, in the correct order) and she is now following it everyday, either with no reminder, or with just one. And I ask, have you done such and such and she bloody well has!! Its fantastic.
I am very very pleased with the box method and intend to use it on the twins when they are old enough, and I also want to use it on the play area too, but will wait until there are the three of them to clean it all up, as I don't feel its fair to expect Paige to clean up after two very messy toddlers!!!
So now that Paiges bedroom is constantly spotless, how can I apply the "box" method to the rest of my house???
xx The Ramblings of Another Mother
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