So Paige has a little classmate telling tales, some very tall (like, 'my dad died last night') and some you could think were true or not, (like 'I am getting a pony this weekend, for me and my sister').
Paige is finding this quite hard, she is a fairly trusting girl and so she is quite surprised when I say, 'no honey, her dad could not have died last night, she wouldn't be at school' or 'um I don't think its likely she's getting a pony, but its always possible I suppose'.
The crunch came earlier this week, when this little girl told Paige she was having a birthday party after school the next day, at the ten pin bowling club, and she should come. Paige came home from school begging me to let her go. I said well we haven't received an invitation. (first alarm bells right there).
I happened to know the family's phone numbers and made a quick call to be sure, and sure enough, the little girls birthday was the next day, but there was no party. (I also spoke to the girls father, so he's definitely not dead)
Paige said then and there, "I hate (NAME OMITTED FOR PRIVACY) and I am never ever going to believe her again!" I told her fair enough.
I see a slight pattern here though. Paige had her birthday party at the ten pin bowling alley, loves horses, and her father's father died some time ago. Perhaps this little girl likes Paige so much she wants to be just like her, or has some internal jealousy happening, so is trying to make her life sound both more tragic and more wonderful than Paige's.
When I told my mum the story she told me I should have told her that she should believe this child in the future, and now I am unsure. I confess myself annoyed at this child for her lies, and I did take the opportunity to talk to Paige about lying at the time, about how when you lie like that, then people don't know what's true or not, so you feel like not believing them.
Now I have met people like this throughout life, that tell story's either so fantastic or so tragic, you wonder how much is true. You can never truly know though can you? And usually I come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter, the person is either telling the truth, or for some reason feel the need to lie, its no skin off my nose really.
Its a tricky thing for children to understand though isn't it? We all lie, and often, and to our children. We tell them Santa is real, we tell them that if they don't brush their teeth they will all fall out by next Tuesday, we tell them that that drawing of scribble town is amazing and they are a fantastic artist. Some of these lies are to keep magic alive for them, to protect them, or to build up their self esteem, but they are all still lies. And then there's the lies we tell our children to tell, like tell them thank you for that present and that you love it. And don't tell such and such I said that. THEN we turn around and tell them to tell the truth to us. How confusing.
AND then we tell them to tell the truth about something that they KNOW is just going to get them into trouble. Like who drew on the wall, tell the truth! They know they did it, they know they shouldn't have done it, and that if they tell the truth they will get punished for it. Then begs the question, what should WE do if they do then brave up and tell the truth? Should we still punish them as we would normally, or should we punish them but reduce the sentence because they told the truth? Or should we say ok thanks for telling the truth, off you go?
I guess for me, I take each situation as it comes, and deal with it as I see fit. In the case of this lying little girl, I feel (mostly) vindicated in supporting Paige's conclusion to never trust her again. I don't know if her decision will stick, but I supported her in a disappointing situation, and I let her know I didn't think it was appropriate either.
Basically I followed my latest mantra: I did my best.
xx The Ramblings of Another Mother
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