Monday, 15 August 2011

Crash...... and burn

I do this.... all too often. I go along and go along and go along and then I ... crash. I fall over and then I withdraw.

Hence why there have been no new posts for a few weeks. I removed my blog schedule - way too much pressure, I will post when I have the time and when I have something to write about! There is seriously no reason I have to regularly post. I am reminding myself of this.

I am feeling pretty constantly exhausted, just now, I have lost all motivation to exercise.... I lost most of my motivation to do much of anything. I do that sometimes. It will come back. Maybe after it stops snowing in odd places. Brrr.

I'm hiding. I hide away from the world.

Interestingly I have been thinking rather seriously about just how much time I spend in front of a screen. Computer mostly but then there is also the television. Usually that's for my daily Shortland Street and my weekly Greys Anatomy.

I went on a deletion rampage on Facebook, IF I deleted you please don't take it personally, its my thing, and nothing to do with you! I almost deleted my facebook page completely, the ONLY thing that stopped me is that I have contact with certain family members, and one (in particular) friend that are overseas. Thats the only reason I kept it at all.

I vaguely remember a time when I spent hardly any time on computers, less time on the internet and more time doing things like reading and studying. And I can't remember what else I did... I really don't know what I did with my time.

There are more people in my life now that I have a connection to, than I had back then, funnily enough my two closest friends I met through the same "young mothers yahoo group" thing, which doesn't exist anymore.

I used to spend a massive amount of my time devoted to others, I would go clean peoples houses, care for their children and drive them places, I would probably have done almost anything for anyone, with no return.

And I got no return. Because everyone else was fighting their own battles, and they weren't thinking about me. Well why should they? Why on earth would they bother? So I had to withdraw. And that was hard. It was scary.

People might not like me anymore if I didn't bend over backwards for them. And true, some people withdrew from me. But many others stayed and in fact a few realised that I was in need sometimes too, I was struggling. I was running a business, raising 3 girls and trying to manage everything, and STILL bending over backwards to help people.

That was some months ago now. I have now got a better rhythm, and a better quality of life. A lot of my time is devoted to my 3 full time jobs, (Family, Business, House, in that order) and the rest of my time is divided fairly equally between myself and social time.

I'm getting better at telling people its time to leave.

I am also getting better at saying "no" when someone asks me for something, like care for their kids, a ride somewhere.

Even harder for me, I am no longer offering my soul on a platter. Times gone by, as soon as someone mentioned they were moving house, their dishes needed doing, or they didn't know how what they were going to do about ....X?  I would pipe up "I will do it!" and I always would, damned be the consequences to myself, and sometimes, my family.

Now I am fairly careful what I offer and to whom, I will bend over backwards for my true friends, I will not bend over backwards for someone who will take advantage and not reciprocate. I hope that everyone has a few friends that they can call on in times of need, as I do, and as I am for a few. But no longer for everyone.

I am worth more than that. My time is precious to me, my kids come first. I come first.

xx The Ramblings of Another Mother.

Monday, 25 July 2011

Techniques on Tuesday.

Well my latest craft is Knitting... and I kinda suck at it. But hey its fun.

http://www.ravelry.com/

is a great website for knitters and crocheters to meet and there are lots of free (and not free) patterns.

I have made me a hat:

Which started at 64 stitches cast on, and I somehow ended up with 108.... I also had to learn when doing "stocking stitch" (knit a row, purl a row) which side to knit on, and which side to purl on, so got some kind of funny looking stripes unintentionally. I then decreased too quickly and ended up with a "tail" which I have tucked back inside the hat. Overall I do like it, but as soon as I get a little better at knitting I will make me a new one.... IF I stick with it, so far I find it very relaxing.

My next project is a pair of "gauntlets" or fingerless gloves. I sort of am using a pattern but as I dont really understand "guage" yet I am making it up as I go along. First I cast on 70 stitches, and then after knitting about an inch realised that it was going to end up very loose on my hand so I decreased (fairly evenly, I hope) to 50 ish stitches and I guess it will have a cuff... sadly I have to attempt to turn this into a pair so must attempt to repeat my "made up" pattern for the other hand. I also somehow screwed up my stocking stitch again and have ended up with a funny line in the middle there... thats going to irritate me. But its all learning and we must start somewhere!

Hoping to next try my hand at a toy.... EEK!

xx The Ramblings of Another Mother

Sunday, 24 July 2011

Motivational Monday

Interestingly, just sharing yesterday that I had lost my motivation seems to have scared it into coming back. Wish that worked everytime, but I know from experience it doesn't.

Today I have managed to stay on top of my work, despite a cold (COLD) morning I managed to get my kids to kindy (almost) on time, and have done Zumba too.

Now to not get smokes :-S

I have slightly failed there lately, and we bought several packets recently, and I tell you what, its hard to maintain the "Quitting" vibe in those circumstances. If they are there, I will smoke them, and to start with if they weren't there I didn't miss them, but now I am. I must resist temptation. I can get back to not missing them again if I stick to it. I hope.

Trouble is there were so many little things in my habit that felt good. Apart from the nicotine kick. It gave me several REAL breaks from my kids on a daily basis, I would not expose my children to the smoke, I went outside and shut the door. Pure silence. I read my book, or drew a house design (because I do that for fun)

Not smoking has meant I am not actually reading anymore. I miss it. I really miss reading. I am not drawing houses as much. I dont miss that quite so much. I miss my kiddie breaks.

I could (and really should) start reading at night before I go to sleep, but I usually take my computer to bed instead and play sims (AKA grown up barbie dolls) or watch something on demand etc. Believe me, sim's puts me to sleep like nothing else, and if I don't find some way to completely shut my brain off, I am up all night long. Sedatives don't help, they work for maybe two days, then I need two sedatives etc.

For a long time I used to record my day in a journal, plan tomorrow, and then read and fall asleep over my book, but I no longer do that, I want to, but I have somehow blocked myself from it. My computer, however is telling me that the cooling system is broken and to send it in for a service, so perhaps this is a good time to break that habit, but then when do I get to play sims??? *cries* I do love sims.

So this wasn't really very motivational, good processing for me, but I want to share something that motivates me on a Monday; so heres a website I use fairly often and is extremely helpful towards maintaining your house, I often do the mini-challanges on my lunch break and I love that they can send it all to your email, keeps you going. Miss a day here and there, and for about a year I ignored her completely but I am slowly getting back into her. Here she is:

http://www.flylady.net/

Thats my piece of motivation to share for this week :-)

xx The Ramblings of Another Mother

Saturday, 23 July 2011

Working from home.

Yup, I have that "best of both worlds" scenario, I work from home, in my office in the living room. But is it really best of both worlds? Is it really all its cracked up to be?

One of the big BIG cons of working from home it there really is no such thing as a day off. There really isn't. You can't take sick days, there is no one to take over for you.

I tried to take a day off last Thursday, just me and the twins, I wasn't feeling all that flash. Well actually I felt like crap warmed up for dinner. I thought screw it, for ONCE in my life I am going to do nothing, and go nowhere, I am not going to talk to anyone, I am not even going to get dressed.

I don't remember the last time I did that.

BUT by 9:30 it was all over, I had an invoice to prepare, received calls for help from various people and had organised 2 meetings for the following week. All this in my pajamas. I dealt with these things, then sat down on the floor with the twins to sing and watch some wiggles. The phone rings again, and it's another client wanting to know when the quote I had mentioned would be ready, I had the preliminary numbers but hadn't actually prepared the quote, so I sat down and did that. Then I cleaned the kitchen. Then I fed the babies as it was lunchtime.

Nap time for babies. I cleaned the living room. Vacuumed. Then I got another call from head office wanting to know something about something else, back to the computer to find the answers to those questions. Ten minutes later I am sitting at my computer having just hung up the phone thinking "wasn't this meant to be a day off? I was gunna hang out with my kids for a bit." I WAS still in my pajamas.

But then, with the major health issues we have had this year, I have been able to simply take that time and deal with those things and catch up on work in the evening. Or on weekends. I can go to my daughters school assemblies and watch her sing in the choir. Not that shes in the choir but hey - I could.

I do at times envy people who go to work, come home, forget about it, then collect their paycheck. But then we can charge an awful lot to the business. By paying fringe benefit tax on our cars as both are at times used for the business, we can pay for EVERYTHING to do with them on the business. Then claim the GST. Thats helpful. Especially with the price of petrol these days.

A portion of our rent, power and phone is covered by the business, as the office is run from the home.

It all helps.

But I don't get a salary.

Another downfall of working from home is that you need horse blinkers. You cannot SEE the mess and go clean it up, you must zone out of "home" and into "work" You can't let yourself get sidetracked, as its very easy to then get no work done.

One of the ways I have gotten around this is by having a fairly tight schedule during my work hours. I have my lunchtime allotted and I take it, that's when I can go clean the kitchen if I want to. Or the kids rooms, but come 1pm I am back at my desk. I have to be. There is always more to do there!

I have also set myself time to plan my week, every Monday morning I spend ten minutes planning my work week, and writing various to-do lists. I have an upright magazine holder on my desk which has four files inside labeled MONDAY WEDNESDAY FRIDAY and NEXT WEEK. At that moment I take the next week file, supposedly (but not always) the others are empty, and anything else on my desk, and I go through it, trash what I don't need, assign the rest to either one of those days or next week. And away I go. It works well for me. As I go on if I think of something that needs doing I write it on a scrap of paper and put it into one of those files too.

My other tried and true is my dairy. It's my bible. I write EVERYTHING in it, including my morning and evening routines, I usually write these on a daily basis. My morning and evening routines are the same every day, but I find them much much easier to stick to if I have written them into my dairy. I don't know why. Its also a good place to record moments, triumphs and other things. Like my weigh-ins, milestones the kids have reached, etc. Sometimes if I am in the mood I will write out my day.

If its not in my diary it probably wont happen.

Which brings me to the holidays, I love listening to my friends when the holidays are coming up, and they are all looking forward to cruisey mornings and days, not being rushed. I hate holiday times, its WORSE for me at holiday times, because I have an extra child to arrange care for, and my motivation goes plummeting into a very very deep hole and then the string I am barely clinging to it with breaks. And it takes me until about a week after school starts again to get it back.

Life goes on and I go with it. There are real pros and cons to running your own business, its not all its cracked up to be, and basically for at least the first few years you end up slogging you guts out for very little return. But for us, it does work, it means I am exactly where I need to be, and available when my kids need me. The business I am running has the potential to turn into a big business, which may very well run itself with me watching over it in a few years.

Hopefully.

x The Ramblings of Another Mother

Thursday, 21 July 2011

Friday Funday...

Hmmm something that makes me laugh....

This video always makes me laugh... Click here.

And this one:

The Mum Song... Click here.

I think every mother on the planet should watch this at least twice a year, WE ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES!!!!!



I also laugh at my kids fighting.... I'm sorry, maybe that makes me really mean, but my gosh, if you saw these two fighting you would laugh too!!!

It usually goes like this: (this is my interpretation of the ANGHHHH noises they are actually making)

CheekyLala: My book.... my book. NOOOO! MYYYYY BOOOOOOK!!!!

CheekyLala runs into wall attempting to get away from BankyBoo

BankyBoo: NOOOOOOOO I AM GOING TO TAKE THAT BOOK AWAY FROM YOU COS ITS MINE!

BankyBoo runs into CheekyLala, CheekyLala screams and throws the book across the room, they race to the finish, and being the same size get there at the same time.

At this point I rescue the book from certain doom.

BankyBoo: HEEYYYYYYY

CheekyLala: Oh well, Look heres a teddy bear!

BankyBoo: MYYYYY TEDDDDYYYY BEAR!!!!!!!

Repeat above...

and on it goes!

Thats life with twins!

xx The Ramblings of Another Mother.

Wednesday, 20 July 2011

Blog Schedule...

Been reading about blog schedules... ways to ensure you are regularly blogging.... I am a little nervous about my ability to keep to one but here goes:

4 posts per week as follows:

Motivational Monday: A quote or idea that motivates me, a website or something that starts my week with intention.

Tecniques on Tuesday: Basically I have started a Craft Circle, a group of women that get together and do various crafts together, teach each other what they know and so on, so I figure thats a good day for me to post about something crafty too.

Thoughts on Thursday: A day where I share an opinion I have, any tips I use etc etc... or just blurt out all my thoughts and feelings into the computer for all to see!!!

Friday Funday: I will try and make these posts amusing, or share something fun for the weekend.

What do you all think??? Sound interesting? I will also post at any other time I feel like it, but these posts will occur every week from now on.

So to start, Thoughts on Thursday.

This week I have been thinking about a local high school that is placing Ipads on their stationary list for next year. I think this is ridiculous. I feel sorry for anyone with more than one kid at that school. I feel sorry for anyone with ANY kids at that High School. And I feel glad that I had never intended on sending my kids to that high school.

I mean, and Ipad? Are you effing serious? "its just like all the kids need a calculator" WHAT??? ARE YOU SERIOUS??????????

A scientific calculator is about 30 bucks and I am sure several families struggle to even provide that for their kids, on top of the uniform, the other stationary let alone a bloody IPAD??????

Its approximately $700-$1300 dollars apparently.

But cost aside, how many kids will now be secretly messaging each other through their Ipads during class? Much less detectable than note passing and even texting since they will already be "working" on their Ipads... are they going to somehow ban that? I would love to know how. And internet access, how many boys will be sitting in the back of the class watch porn or similar on their bloody Ipad.... christ cant you put music and movies on these things? Lets watch a movie instead of do any work. How much more disruptive to class will this really be?

I get the whole idea that this will supposedly cut down on paper and books etc. But does it have to be compulsory? Why can't they release a book list and say "if you wish your student may have an Ipad instead" how many solo mums and lesser income families will be simply unable to afford this, and doesnt that open up lines for FURTHER bullying??? Do we want out kids to be teased cos their family cant afford the ipad? FAAAARRRRK this makes me seethe.

I wonder how many students this school will have next year. I wonder how many families will simply send their kids to a different school. I think I would be very very tempted.

I worry that this will in fact become the norm through high schools across New Zealand, and in 8 years, we will have 3 children attending high school, and will we be expected to provide them all with an Ipad. And kids, being kids, will probably not respect these extremely expensive items and we may have to replace them on a annual or bi-annual basis??? I have no idea how we are expected to pay for 3 ipads on a regular basis. I would actually like us to purchase a house soon.... mortgage payments are a wee bit more than rent, then add all the other costs of being the home owner and now I am adding massive extra schooling costs? I am not sure we will be able to afford that. And to be quite honest I really do not want to have to afford it, I can think of many other things I would rather spend that money on. Like a bloody university education for my kids!!!

What a ridiculous idea.

xx The Ramblings of Another Mother

Friday, 15 July 2011

Internet Trolling.

Looking for cool ideas for the bedrooms, and a few for the house elsewhere too!



Spruce up furniture with old bits of wallpaper.

 I have found this as an embroidery pattern, soon to be created and put onto my wall.

How cute are these??? Not sure if I will do this one, but it IS really neat...

Some knarley thoughts on the master bedroom, which will be my project once I am done with the kids rooms.... it will be a seaside/beach theme... just in case you didn't click.










I LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!

This idea of taking tons of standard sized print photos and making them into a heart shape on the wall. And so easy to update!!!! Brilliant.

But more like this ^^^^




I want to do SOMETHING along these lines for the twins room, a mural type thing, 
as soon as I work out how to make it removable as this is still a rental home we live in.

And lastly: http://destitutedesigner.blogspot.com/
This blog has a lot of fabulous ideas for really easy storage and some cool decor things. Quite sad that the last post was in February. Hopefully she comes back soon because I have *YOINK* stolen several of her ideas. Particularly look at the post called "For Josh".